1. |
You Exist
02:16
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My grandfather made a movie
Of everything leading to the moment when I was born
I watched it and it didn’t make sense so I watched it again
And now I know I exist
Living and breathing are locked in a tie on my to-do list
I can be anything except eternally anything
You get bigger every day of your life
Until someone pulls a lever and you start to shrink
Don’t worry, it happens to literally everyone
And that’s how you know you exist
Every minute is a minute you can’t have possibly missed
You can be anything except eternally anything
We all wonder what’s going to happen
In the middle of the night and we might get sick
But for now we exist
We can sprout hair from the tops of our heads
And have our first kiss
We can do anything as long as we remember that we exist
If it turned out that this was made up I’d be a little bit pissed
We can be anything except eternally anything
Anything except eternally anything
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2. |
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You know what?
What, man?
Get your asses up ‘cause this is not a drill
Don’t act like you wear the biggest shoes to fill
This is where we reign over the rioting melee
If you aren’t down with us, then get out of the way
‘Cause we stand out like bird shit on a black shoe
That’s true
We control the crowds and we control the laws
Echoed into space is thundering applause
Even when the show is done we take over the joint
If they ask who run the world, you know just where to point
I step on stage, break a leg and a ligament
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3. |
Test Patterns
01:53
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The newspaper was torn to shreds
The news was left mangled as it landed on our shoulders
The TV set didn’t take its meds
So the static swooped in and test patterns took over
Dianetics was a super fraud
The eighties made the call and the war got colder
One man could hardly stand to play his god
So the lynch mob sang and test patterns took over
When the city looked up to the sky
All the blue was replaced with a stark, blank white
With a large black circle running through its crest
Blaring, “This is just a test”
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4. |
Flexin' My Brain
02:06
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I been messin’ around with the with the gramophone
I been flexin’ my brain like it’s going out of style
Don’t treat me like an animal
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice
I will arrest you
I am not a chump, I, I am not a chump
I will upset you
I am not a chump, I, I am not a chump
I will outflex you
I got nothin’ to lose and I’m and I’m going home
Drop me off at the curb when I’m kickin’ a country mile
Don’t treat me like an animal
Don’t yell at me with your side-eye
I want to be your bones
The ones that never leave you alone
I want to be your bones, motherfucker
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5. |
Can't Take Me Anywhere
00:30
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You can’t take me anywhere
You can’t take me anywhere
You can’t take me anywhere
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6. |
Garbage Time
02:44
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My doctor said there’s nothing wrong with me
Handed me cash and hailed me a taxi
Put me to bed and stroked the top of my head
Until I fell into a pit of ecstasy
I was wrong to think that it would last
I was wrong to think at all
Garbage time gonna take you all away
Garbage time gonna make you regret everything
My tax return was bigger than I thought
Used it to open up a restaurant
Stayed open late for all the people on dates
And when they tried the crudités they were so awed
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7. |
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Every day is quite a task
Favors far too much to ask
I completely recognize where you’re coming from
But it’s hard to see your plan
Knowing where you opt to stand
I’m afraid my body’s starting to go rather numb
I won’t shoot for the moon
But I have one request for you
I know that things are difficult and it can be a pain
But would you please remove your foot from my throat?
It’s hard to see the sunshine when you’re standing in the rain
But would you please remove your foot from my throat?
Oh, the pressure is too great
It seems we’re at a stalemate
I would hire a negotiator to talk you down
But your foot remains in place
Mere inches below my face
I admit I would prefer if you weren’t around
I’m getting sore as heck
From your footprint upon my neck
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8. |
Dream Sequence From Hell
00:20
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Dream sequence from hell
Dream sequence from hell
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9. |
Side To Side
02:42
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As soon as
I hit the floor I’m not me anymore
I’m nothing like before
Oh, my kingdom not to be an eyesore
You’re looking vexed like maybe I’ve been hexed
I know what’s coming next
Sure enough, that’s when your path intersects
This is not the interaction I signed up for
I just want the world to put me in its back pocket
Stop looking me up and down
And look me side to side
What a relief, at least that one was brief
While I dispel my grief
Slyly shield myself with my handkerchief
But you don’t go, you’ve brought a crowd in tow
And now you’d like to know
If I’ll pose with you for a group photo
Every single second my rage increases
Right now I could stand to tie myself to a rocket
You know it wouldn’t take much, it wouldn’t take much at all
To turn my day into a daydream
But chances are that the sun would be more likely to fall
Than for your horizontal gazing
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10. |
Benihana
02:15
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I have a plan to take over the world
And I need you as my backup
We should probably hire some henchmen
We’ll rendezvous to go over the details
And while we’re out we might as well
Get some personalized attention
You know the meeting location
The teppanyaki station at Benihana
Within mere days, they’ll all be under my thumb
The law will be no match for us
I’m totally sure of that
No man alive can undermine my scheming
Oh wait a second, the chef’s about to
Flip a shrimp tail in his hat
Little onion volcano
How can I say no to Benihana?
The globe will crumble, democracy will stumble
And while I share the how and where
I’ll quell my stomach rumble
They’ll take the hint
But they won’t know where to sprint, now
And on my way into doomsday
A complimentary mint from Benihana
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11. |
Middle 8
00:29
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Intro, verse, chorus, verse, chorus
Middle eight, middle eight
Middle eight, middle eight
Verse, chorus, outro
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12. |
No Relation
01:00
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I am me, no relation to I
I am me, no relation to I
I know we look similar, we’ve been told we look similar
But although we’re conflated, we’re just not related at all
I’m myself, no relation to me
And I know it’s a problem to see
We’re from the same county, we’re from the same town
But although we’re consistent, our DNA’s different
If you think I’ve told a lie
On the divergence between me and I
Find a different hill on which to die
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13. |
Wake Up In The Future
02:34
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She was at the top of her game
The cream of the crop, some say
Back in school she was always the envy of all her friends
But they say you should never let a good time spoil
Because you’ll end up missing it desperately
When it finally ends
This whole thing has nothing to do with you
Meanwhile on the other side of the world
A package full of redemption is making its way
Toward wherever it is she thrives
But there’s a guy with a come hither gaze
And what the hell, a pack of Pall Mall slims
So she misses the damn thing completely when it arrives
Don’t you wake up in the future
Now she sits on a front porch that may or may not be hers
Swatting at flies that may or may not be there
And she thinks about a time when everything was easy
And she didn’t even have to try
But that thought died shortly thereafter
Due to unscrupulous mixed drinks
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14. |
Chief Champ
02:28
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Would you show me how to move?
I don’t think there’s a man alive
Who can move the way you do
Chief champ, chief champ, chief champ
Well, I could dive into your eyes
But they would be too shallow
I wouldn’t have the chance to drown
But I’d still undermine the teardrops falling down
Would you want to be my friend?
It might take a little convincing
But it’s worth it in the end
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15. |
flesruoY eB
00:58
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The only option left, the only option left
The only option left is to be yourself
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16. |
Rotoscoped
02:10
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The picture showed up in the mail against her will
Sick burn, you should do it again
She took one look around and decided who to kill
All you have to do is say when
The attention was paid, the groundwork was laid
All the angels aligned within the beds they made
But it didn’t turn out the way that she had hoped
It all came out rotoscoped
She slashed the fat cats’ stacks through the flashback slats
Nice try, you incompetent boob
They got all torn up and rescinded the welcome mats
Better luck with the feeding tube
And projected upon the White House lawn
Was the notice suggesting she get gone
But nobody noticed the notice was enveloped
She’s above all the noise; she’s in tune with herself
And nothing beyond an earthquake can shake her mentality
She adores all the fans and their eagerness to cope
But beyond the pale is the dark and
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17. |
Asleep In The Other Room
01:35
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I have to be extremely quiet right now
‘Cause my fiancée is asleep in the other room
I know she’s tired because she told me she was
And now the volume of my voice must be kept at a two
I probably shouldn’t even be recording
This song could clearly wait until the next morning
But here I am click-click-click-click-clicking and keyboarding
You would think that I’d be kind enough to give her a warning
I am a low-down, no good son of a bitch
Because there’s literally no excuse for this
I have to be extremely quiet right now
‘Cause my fiancée is asleep in the other room
And if she wakes up there’ll be hell to pay
But at least this song will be over
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18. |
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One, two, one, two, three
The effects of global warming on one very unfortunate bobcat
I was afraid he’d get all antsy but he took it all in stride
And now I feel the loss has torn my heart about
But the upside is that now we understand the ins and outs
Or just part of the ins and outs
The effects of global warming on one very unfortunate bobcat
I remember when I saw him looking kind of insecure
And I would probably have calmed his weary head
But I guess it wouldn’t work since now I figure that he’s dead
It’s pretty safe to say he’s dead
I never thought that much about global warming
I never cared that much about global warming
The effects of global warming on one very unfortunate bobcat
And this case is going to be ripped open wider than the north
Because the only thing we’ve actually found
Is a pile of bobcat ashes that the wind can blow around
Oh yes, they’ve fallen to the ground
The effects of global warming on one very unfortunate bobcat
Be alert and on your guard
Because we’re doomed beyond repair
And while the smartest are all saying it’s not funny
I can sleep a little easier upon my bed of money
Yes, I always sleep much easier upon my bed of money
Got a giant pile of money
It’s a hill made out of money
An obscene amount of money
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19. |
I Still Love You
01:19
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You are the reason I won’t go to bed
You creep around inside of my dreams
You are the phantom that lives in my head
You permeate my mind with your screams
But I still love you
I still love you anyway
You are the cat I let out of the bag
You flood into the dark open air
You are the hours that dawdle and drag
The time I can’t make up anywhere
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20. |
Pants On Fire
03:11
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The boy who cried wolf picked a fairy tale legend to invest in
The children wised up, now the boy resides in his intestine
Pinocchio’s face elongated whenever truth was dwindling
Geppetto said, “Hey, at least now we’ve got
Lots of extra kindling”
But that’s neither here nor there
I’ve spent time telling all the time I’ve wasted selling all
The schemes and stories alike
That have formed in the back of my head
The lies I’ve been telling, all the time that I’ve been pawning off
But now I’ll just confirm
I never meant a single word I’ve said
I never meant a word I’ve said
Jim Carrey was stuck
Keeping all of his words in his back pocket
He figured it out and the ticket sales started to skyrocket
When I turn around, I will try not to laugh or look pompous
About all the lies over all of the years that I’ve accomplished
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