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From The Bottom Of My Heart, I Don't Believe We've Met

by Scott Gesser

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I feel like the world isn’t mine like it used to be Bordering on thirty-nine, it got used to me I’m not the target demographic Suddenly everything’s tragic I feel like the world has been pretty on paper Floating in space Seeing it straight with no chaser But getting up close makes the blemishes shine Once again I’m reminded it’s no longer mine Hand me down the world Don’t hand me down the worry That comes from the world
Crosshairs 03:22
When man first crawled out from the sea Sprung forward headfirst into calamity All the problems pile up over centuries And we’re left to sift through the debris Now alive but just barely on par With the goals that have been set for us so far And left barely aware of who we even are Who we even are If you want my opinion, well I’ll give it to you It’s getting worse, the bubble’s burst Still the saga continues All the fallen terrain This hurt all upon us, we’re asking in vain I don’t mean to complain But the birds and the forest are shirking the pain When my family first laid down their guns Set a course for their daughters and their sons Reactionary, default on the run From the jump we were not the chosen ones Followed endlessly, day into night Kept it moving if just by candlelight There is no better time than now to make it right We’re making it right We’re in the crosshairs now
I never thought that I would live to see the day When the rising tide towered over us all We band together trying to teach one another to float But we don’t Meanwhile, as captain of the ship You’ve been commanding each lowly crewmate Who approaches you to fall upon the sword That you’ve polishing for just such a crowd So be proud You tour the planet thinking everyone’s a martyr A failing future built on ruins of a circular past But disconnecting from everything is harder When you’re closing all your deals Using karma that you don’t have The work you put in to antagonize the blackened Almost impressive from an overhead view Fighting the urge to call it in When the going gets tough, it’s never enough It’s like a game where you’re controlling all the pieces But still a tantrum quickly overtakes you So now dismantling remains the only option you’ve got Give it a shot It’s not bragging to say I can’t imagine All the demons on the brain As you’re circling your wagons And you try to lie to yourself just one more time But it’s never just one more time As the horizon of our fate draws ever nearer And all the plans that we concocted Will have shattered like glass It might be time to start looking in the mirror And stop closing all our deals Using karma that we don’t have
Take the lead There is nothing to be afraid of Hit the town and we’ll show them all What you’re made of And the fire keeps melting, the longhorns stare Sugar in the mountain to breathe the air If you threw me in the pit I wouldn’t even care I believe in the power of open season When we dream, a society without reason You’ve got a lot of nerve to spare And you might do well to learn to share A howl from the west in reverie A patchwork of the love inside of me Take the lead Everybody’s been waiting for you Oh my god, what a miracle to implore you
Oh where, oh where Oh where you going? I wanted to believe you’d stay the course with me You veered off track at the first opportunity They couldn’t diagnose your looming mental state Upon request, you told them you’d been feeling great Now I don’t know what to do, who to run to And everybody I knew isn’t half as everybody as you I tried to pull you back into my radius You shrugged me off as if you didn’t know who I was How did this come to pass? How could I have been so wrong? I dared to blink and in an instant you were gone The uphill battle laid before me Is a testament to how I failed to see you don’t adore me And the glory halts right now I still don’t know what to do, who to run to And everybody that I ever knew Wasn’t half as anybody as you
I’m getting nervous like a waiting child Can’t find my purpose And you say it’s only natural I feel like I’m headed for the fall If I count success amid all this mess Then I might get too hung up to hear you call Good lord, where is this coming from? Good lord, where is this coming, coming? Good lord, where is this coming from? Where is this coming from? I have my reasons for taking it to heart Stuck disbelievin’ in this Avalanche of superpowers, baby If you were to tell me that it’s all inside my head Well, it’s so severe I can barely hear And the noisescape locks me out until I’m dead I can’t keep track of the rules been flipped I had an idea but I think it slipped An animal living in my veins But I don’t know where its soul remains I cannot pinpoint the source of my uneasiness, love Resigned in disjoint and you know that’s right I speak to the heavens as if I’d hear a word in reply I don’t believe in any afterlife So this’ll be my only opportunity to try
Day trip to the Bronx Zoo All your colleagues and friends were going with you Everybody ran late, but you beamed with excitement As you strolled through the gate Cut a path by the lake All the pictures your Polaroid camera could take But when the day was done You looked all around and couldn’t find anyone I would have picked you up And I would have held your hand so tight Until you knew you weren’t alone And you’d never worry again You look back in a haze A stiff, frozen form of contempt on your face Maybe years have gone by But you’re jolted right back As the tears fill your eyes This is your stop, time to get off, don’t you worry This is your stop, it’s time to get off, please don’t cry This is your stop, you need to get off But they won’t stop moving We were nothing back then I wasn’t your colleague and I wasn’t your friend I wish I could amend All the time that you’d wasted with any of them
Crusted 02:42
Come play a song, come play a tune We promise we won’t hurt you It’s not the life that you deserve Oh yes, we don’t deserve you I feel the fool the moment we’re allowed to crash Please take the heat from off me Lie and say you’re never leaving A dictionary filled with words and phrases That you made up Studied religiously in hopes that one day We’ll be paid up It’s like a mystery the world don’t wanna solve So back beneath the floorboards I go hunting for more sleep and Not everybody wants to think about it All of the time Not everybody wants to do it To do it just to do it Not everybody wants to think about The weight of the crime Not everybody can do what you do You fucker
I saw you standing with the crowd Standing against the progression It started small, it always does But grew into your obsession From dawn to dusk you’re out there Busking for the hate you believe One day you’ll find the book you based it on Was built to deceive, what a reprieve Lift your spirit up to the sky Can you imagine no autonomy considered your own? Well, the automatons you glom upon are calling it home Undoing everything that makes this a remarkable place You might as well just stamp Repressiveness all over your face, what a disgrace You know you own it All the pushing down you been condoning From the cradle to the top The other shoe’s about to drop And everybody gonna charge in your direction So you better stand down Give it up, give it up, give it up, hey Give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up
Can you feel my heart beating? Can you feel my heart breaking you down? I wish nothing but kindness ‘Till the moment when you come around Otherworldly, beneath you Pray for striking a commoner’s gaze Only longing to speak to For a body I’d cherish for days Beyond control, “Boys will be boys” you say But you’ve made me a man today When you return, a madness I can’t contain I’m aching just to circle the drain I admit, I have faltered On the road to your neck of the woods Just a bite of an apple I proclaim, turns the tables for good Lust, divided and conquered Always dreaming of your paradise Far too much to convey now On a modern-day handheld device
Guess we’ve had a good run There’s a looming fate as if civilization’s done Every lesson we’ve learned Only sought to fall as the bridges all get burned It seems played out like the L is in the bag We’ve been laid out but there’s no white flag Everybody knows our losing streak is done Everybody knows it’s high time that we won Everybody knows the fight has just begun But we’re on fire Everybody knows our losing streak is done Everybody knows it’s high time that we won Everybody knows we’ll be on top for once And we’re on fire It’s admittedly bleak when the news gets out All they squawk about each week But it’s hardly the end when the powers fall through ‘Cause it’s our world to defend And they can take that all the way right to the bank We’ve got a save strat and we’re making rank There is no point in not shouting There’s no success in not rioting No belief without reason Until the day when you’re dying You have an anger in you, I’ve got the same within me With all of us banded together We’ll aim straight for victory Don’t get it twisted, it won’t be an easy climb I’m optimistic that in our due time Everybody knows it
Island Life 03:05
I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like this before At least the memory of the wounds Vanished like an evening sun Now there’s a space upon the mantle Where there once was housed a war But I much prefer the emptiness that only proves I won From the bottom of my heart, I don’t believe we’ve met If I can’t contain elation then I must apologize But you won’t be there to hear it A dove that’s speeding toward a window And it doesn’t realize is the closest to a metaphor I can conjure for your spirit The other shoe will drop even if you can’t feel it yet From the bottom of my heart, I don’t believe we’ve met When all is said and done, there’s more to do and say My world was incomplete until you went away I’ve never been the best at mixing metaphors But I’ll press on with my day as you fuck up yours When you wake up in the morning Still hungover from your twenties Small decisions that you never made Still catching up with you I’ll be living island life drinking from my horn of plenty Ever blissful, unaware Of all the grime you’re trudging through And your pale and sullen face Flushes crimson with regret From the bottom of my heart, I don’t believe we’ve met From the bottom of my heart


released July 15, 2022


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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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