1. |
Dress Me Up
04:00
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I don’t know what normal’s supposed to look like
But it’s a long, long way from here
Look up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane
No, it’s just me and I’m going insane
Because I’m losing my grip on what I’m supposed to feel
I left behind a trail of bread crumbs when I ditched my ideals
My mind is candy for consumption, it’s like I’ve been drugged
There’s a gear that’s gone rogue, or a switch that’s unplugged
I used to look at potential as all mine for the taking
But rest assured, if I seem confident, it’s just ‘cause I’m faking
When I was only a toddler I was handed a slab
And told to carve deep into it with everything that I had
A list of rules so imposing that you could heed them in space
To keep the commoners locked down and running in place
I spent my whole entire life just learning the craft
But you can’t use a stone when you’re in need of a raft
And so I sank into the bottom of wherever I’m at
But on the bright side I’ve got hindsight so I guess there’s that
You can dress me up however you want
I still won’t be the man you can take out
You can fill me with the time that you bought
The grooves are aligned and there’s no way out
My backstory’s been written to the end
You can follow your heart but you’ll be faced with the fact
That there’s a whole lot of nothing in the back of the pack
So let your heart guide the way if you feel like you need to
But you better make sure it knows
Where it’s supposed to lead you
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2. |
If You're So Benevolent
03:33
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Curled up along the backseat of your Accord
My lips are chapped, my hair a matted mess
Whatever dreams you had for me are done for
I’m not immune to convolutedness
And I imagined how your voice was trembling
But I could call out for a century and still hear nothing
And if this game catches on
And your will be dead and gone
If you’re so benevolent, then try to prove it tonight
You know, they say the tunnel must end sometime
The beacon of the future sears my brain
And when I finally bask in my own limelight
I can’t be sure the light’s not from a train
And you beam down to the earth
I will consider putting in the work
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3. |
Minerva
03:14
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I’ve got fixtures, I think mine’s broken
I need suppliers of accidental apathy
And I’ve got features, at least I’m hoping
To frequent fliers who watch our western trilogies
And this is what I’ve got to say when I forget to pray
This is what creeps through my brain when I’m forever changed
I’m on fire but still soft-spoken
To reckless dressers that hoard away my secret thoughts
And I’m so tired of all your groping
A second-guesser to hunt for all the pride I’ve bought
Minerva, I’m sorry I forgot to pray
I’m choked up ‘cause I feel unopened
I’m tossed aside like a Christmas gift that no one wants
And I’ve got plans made to ease my coping
I ask Minerva to just pretend that I’m gallant
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4. |
Screaming Internally
03:08
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Move on to the next one
I am not a perfect soldier, I’m not a steely diver
I’m nothing but a mind running on fumes
I am looking in the mirror, my face is like a specter
As if it’s burrowing into its own tomb
Sorry if I ask you to repeat yourself to me
I couldn’t hear you over the sound
Of my screaming internally
I am waiting for the answer so I can learn the question
And what if there’s some kind of correlation
I am not holding my breath, I’m just escaping death
Blockaded from my own emancipation
There must be something above for me
All I crave is an honest word
Like something analog, tamping down the dialogue
I need to soak it up before the next transmission is blurred
I won’t be ignored by my inner half, now that’s a laugh
Oh, everyone wants to find the truth
But no one wants to read the map
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5. |
Caffeine
04:08
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Life on your own has proven to be mostly terrifying
You never know what kind of risk you’ll take by even trying
To crack your shell you must be crazy but that still seems fitting
Your private hell, a balance of foraging and sitting
Now you want what you want
Now you don’t, now you got it
But it pays to let go of today when you’ve shot it
And now I’m watching goodbyes
Like the cellophane in use, averting your eyes
I’m watching goodbyes
Like the misery we feel when somebody dies
Chalking it down to one more day of rambling in circles
Fucking around, holding your breath until you’re turning purple
There’s nothing gleaned
From being discontent from discontentment
Some more caffeine should clear your mind of the resentment
I can’t swing it, ooh, I can’t swing it
I only ever wanted to believe in you
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6. |
||||
A bad day for Mr. Steinbaum
He’s dragging his heels today
He knows that something ain’t quite right
But what it is, he can’t say
Normally he’s happy but there’s a feeling in his head
Did he leave something at the house
Or did he just wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
A hard day for Mr. Steinbaum
Watching everyone move along
Everybody’s marching to the same old drum
But he hears a somber song
The sun is shining but in his eyes
The skies look gray instead
Did he forget an important date
Or did he just wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
Tussling, fighting, his vexation knows no limits
Struggling just to keep up for a few more minutes
A poor day for Mr. Steinbaum
One for the record books
You might say he seems okay
But that’s only the way it looks
Even as he watches the world, he’s feeling half-past dead
Did he get himself a bad night’s sleep
And did he wake himself up on the wrong side of the bed?
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7. |
Near-Death Experience
04:02
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I had a near-death experience last night
And I can tell you that the media didn’t get it right
I didn’t go through a full mental rewind
Or watch a sped-up movie of my waking life
And I damn sure didn’t get to swim
Toward a giant glowing light
You won’t reach me, the sun’s glowing dark
Now you’re flailing around in the back of the car
Don’t tease me, you’re falling apart
And you won’t get away ‘cause I know who you are
I know exactly who you are
I had a near-death experience last night
And I can’t point my finger at what might have happened then
There was nothing to run from and no ground to gain
But the fear and the dread masked all of the pain
Because even when you make your escape
You can easily fall back in
Going forward, I have no idea how to thrive
But at end of the day, I’m still fucking alive
And I will keep pushing to see to it that I survive
Release me, I’m lighting a spark
And I won’t see the day when I know who you are
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8. |
Spoiler On A Hyundai
02:17
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You’re making about as much sense
As screaming at the top of your lungs in a restaurant
You’re making about as much sense
As chipping away at the cracks in your bedroom walls
I’m not gonna ask you twice
But I’ve asked you once and you won’t play nice
I’m not gonna go kicking and screaming
In fact, I’m not gonna go with you at all
You’re making about as much sense
As an after-market spoiler on a Hyundai
You’re making about as much sense
As celebrating your rehab by taking a drink
I’m not gonna fall for you
And the lies you tell with no reason to
I see through all your fallacies
And you can’t condition me to think the way you think
Let’s go
I’ve got what I want now
I’m a projectile heading right for your front door
You can criticize me, openly despise me
That’s exactly what I came here for
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9. |
Wailing Wall
03:39
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Once there were nomadic roamers
One by one they lost their way
They bounced back over and over
Over the course of a hundred days
Life was their wailing wall
And some imagined slumbers were their grave
And it all piles up, another metaphor
On the way to another milestone ringing in my ears
Later on TV at midnight
Some kids shot through the room
Rose up like a stray satellite
‘Till they grabbed hold of the moon
Life was their wailing wall
And some intrinsic summers were their grade
Huddle down in the ground, this freeway’s far from over
Finally you’re for me, this cryogenic chamber
I can’t stand looking like I don’t know what I’m looking like
So press a little harder
And then maybe we’ll get out of this place
Life was my wailing wall
And some amazing runners bore my name
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10. |
The Afterlife
03:33
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Darling, you’re my dream come to fruition
And I hope we can live forever and beyond
But if one day we find we’ve left it behind
Then it won’t be the end even after we’re gone
If there’s something to feel and a world to pursue
If eternity’s real then I hope it’s with you
So let’s meet up in the afterlife
Darling, I can’t entertain a guess
As to what sort of beauty and joy could be found
Maybe we’ll be hoisted up onto thrones
Watching over our empire from deep underground
You can say that I’m mad, but my eagerness springs
Because if you’re what I have, then I have everything
When we finally reach our posted limits
Surely we will learn what we get out
Fits with what we put in it
We will open up our chests and pull in wonder
On the other hand, it all just might stop
When we’re six feet under
When my ticket to ride leaves me rocked to the core
I’ll treasure you by my side loving forevermore
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11. |
Half Of It
03:53
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You don’t accept the problems that you solve
If you cannot face the future, there’s no way you can evolve
And the moral of your story you will never figure out
When you run from possibility, you’re only left with doubt
Blossoms shining in the moonlight
Open arms of allies just before they hold you tight
You don’t, you don’t, you don’t know the half of it
And I won’t, I won’t, I won’t hang my head at all
When you feel low and the burden befalls you
I will shoulder half of it
And you don’t find faith in miniscule success
Every step you take toward action then habitually regressed
It’s okay to shy away from what you cannot comprehend
But you can’t expect improvement if that’s where you let it end
Kettle corn beside the bonfire
Proof that good surrounds us
If not something even higher
There’s still so much left to see to
You pushed me to finish
So I’m not giving up on you
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12. |
Goodnight, Little One
03:00
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Now I lay me down to have insomnia and stir
And toss and turn for endless hours
‘Cause my life has been a blur
A torn-up tapestry of zealous
Ne’er-do-wells compelled to sell us
On ideas that those who experience hell
Are unable to tell us
And life is like a toilet paper roll
The further you get, the faster it goes
Nobody comes out with the scent of a rose
And where it stops, well, nobody knows
And so I cannot reconcile not sleeping in
I’m busy conditioning myself to fear the end
When I should be out making that shit begin
Goodnight little one, sleep tight
I am not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of dying alone
To relinquish to nobody all the shit I happen to own
I don’t condone looking for something that isn’t there
Something not hovering in the air
But when laid bare in my own despair
I suppose that I’d rather be sort of prepared
But now I’m awake and it’s 5am
And I’m thinking of family I used to have
The quotes that I never wrote
From dear old mom and dad
But I remember every single thing
Every single person said
They looked me dead in the eye
And they told me the only perfect people are dead
This is where it starts to get a little bit out of hand
I’m on my knees beside my bedside
For my backup-backup-backup plan
I’m not addressing anyone in particular
I’m just afraid to pull up from the mattress
And lay in the bed I’ve made
And now I still have wicked dreams
Of you flying out from in between the seams
It’s kind of like my own personalized brand of PTSD
And then I wake up in a cold sweat
And it’s back to counting sheep
But that only means I’m counting on myself
‘Cause I can’t fucking sleep
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