Did I clean the furniture? Did I clean the couch and the bed? Did I remember to sweep the patio? What if I forgot to mow the lawn? What if I left the porch light off? Did I paint the room the right color? Is the lighting setting the right mood? 'Cause there are so many questions and far too much guessin' About the way it's supposed to be And it becomes such a terror with no room for error When you're hosting an orgy, and I'm hosting an orgy Woo hoo Did I dust off the ceiling fan? Did I vacuum the area rug? Did I cover enough of the floor with tarps? What if I don't check the guest list? Do I have enough room for a plus one? Is vanilla the right flavor for anal lubricant? And did I buy enough Chex Mix? 'Cause there are so many questions and far too much guessin' About the way it's supposed to be And soon you're covering your house with KY and Sham-Wows 'Cause you're hosting an orgy, and I'm hosting an orgy Should I set out the potpourri and condoms on the shelves? Or the carrot sticks for the vegetarians Or the people who like to insert vegetables into themselves? 'Cause there are so many questions and far too much guessin' About the way it's supposed to be Like are we BSDMing or naked night swimming When I'm hosting an orgy And I've been spraying Febreezes and praying to Jesus That I don't catch an STD It's hard to stain-guard the walls when you're shaving your balls 'Cause you're hosting an orgy, and I'm hosting an orgy

I'm at a party late one night, a lady on my lap She asks me to lay down with her but she doesn't want a nap She leads me into a bedroom Limbs akimbo, clothes are strewn That's when you come walking in Sit down and tell me how you've been Captain Cockblock You're getting on everyone's nerves Captain Cockblock You're the superhero no one deserves I'm at a bar and spot some girls, one looks at me and winks I saunter over to their group and buy a round of drinks Their feet all brush against my thighs And they're giving me these "fuck me" eyes And suddenly there you are, trying to ask me about How my pending murder trial's working out Captain Cockblock It's almost like you've got a Spidey sense Captain Cockblock But it's no wonder you don't have any friends It's like every time I'm trying to hook up You get this sociopathic idea That it would be hilarious to tell the girl I'm with That I have gonorrhea I wish that I could find your kryptonite 'Cause it's not a desire to be well-liked Hell, it doesn't even seem to frustrate you That even Deadpool wouldn't date you Some superheroes have a gift, and others have a curse It seems the only thing you have is a bad case of Asperger's You won't allow me to touch a pair of tits And just forget about friends with benefits Can you not recognize that she's on her knees So you just start farting 'til everyone leaves? Captain Cockblock You're nothing short of embarrassing Captain Cockblock You make Aquaman seem important by comparison For the love of all that's holy, please leave us alone This is just a living room, not a combat zone Stop trying to show us cat videos on your phone If I wanted to watch them I would have done that at home And now I'm trying to figure out your origin story That led to your fight against the flirtatious and horny Maybe in your own mind, you're out there fighting for glory But you're the kind of guy who'd really put the brakes on an orgy When you walk into a strip club or a bachelor pad Does it remind you of your parents getting shot or stabbed? What is it about folks coupling that Makes you want to ruin the moment so fucking bad? Captain Cockblock You're hopelessly annoying and rude I was this close to slinging some webs with my date Now I'm stuck in my Fortress of Solitude Captain Cockblock

Beyond the majestic tower of the Rockies Where the great Missouri River stretches wide across the plain There sits the 37th state that made our country's union great And with it comes the following refrain Oh, fuck you, Nebraska Oh, you're the shittiest place I've ever found And if I ever find one day that I'm on a plane headed your way I'd rather crash that bitch into the ground You're filled with violent thunder and tornadoes And when those things aren't happening, you're just a plot of dirt The only thing you've got to show Is you're where to go to watch corn grow Hey, good luck printing that shit on a shirt Oh, screw you, Nebraska Oh, you're super flat and fucked beyond repair Well, Omaha's filled to the brim with Methodists and Lutherans So Omaha-ll my Jew ass out of there I tried to do some research about Nebraska To see if something interesting might ever have occurred there But I guess that all they've ever made Is the Vise-Grip and red Kool-Aid And even Lewis and Clark would barely drop a turd there Oh, suck it, Nebraska Oh, you almost make Montana seem okay You might fit in with someone's needs Assuming they like tumbleweeds And living through five seasons in one day So if you should wind up in Nebraska Among the drifters and backwater hicks devoid of mental health No scenery to greet the eye, it's where enjoyment goes to die And if you find you like it, kill yourself Kill yourself, mm-hmm Oh, fuck off, Nebraska Oh, I'm fed up with you thinking you're so great I'd rather waste a whole year drinkin' bleach Than spend an hour in Lincoln Go to hell, you godforsaken state Yes, rot in hell, you worthless fucking state

I've been living in this house for a very long time There's stuff wall to wall and it's all mine Figure it's been long enough that I've procrastinated Getting rid of all of the crap that I've accumulated So I took an advertisement out in the paper Sold a couple blankets and a mini refrigerator People were flocking me, basically jocking me Buying up my old clocks, skis, tchotchkes Except one box sitting near the curb Folks took a look inside and then looked perturbed I was trying to tell them that everything must go But was ultimately met with a resounding no I can't sell my sex toys at this yard sale Can't sell the fuckin' at this fuckin' sale No, I can't sell my sex toys Everything else is flying off the shelves But apparently my dildos won't sell themselves People won't quit talking, they say it's shocking But I have no use for this vibrating cock ring And I don't need my nipple clamps anymore Frankly I don't even know what I bought those for I'm ready to surrender my French tickler Or my Ben Wa balls; I'm not a stickler But aside from that, I guess no one needs Twenty-one different varieties of anal beads And I can't promise that the butt plug won't chafe But on the upside, it's dishwasher safe I can't sell my sex toys at this yard sale Nobody wants to buy your butt plug tail No, I can't sell my sex toys I'm out here pitching quality products But no one wants to invest in them You would think that it would be a great selling point That I've personally tested them I've been standing in the sun all goddamn day And I'm starting to get pissed I sold all six copies of Sister Act But nobody will buy my torture rack Would you like a demonstration of this Arab strap? It affixes to your junk with one simple snap If that's not your thing, over there in the corner Got a RealDoll that looks like Natalie Dormer Hocked every other item at this stupid sale But the going's getting tougher than my cat o' nine tails Not a solitary sex toy was even perused Even though I put up a sign that said "gently used" And the patience of my customers was wearing thin I might as well have tried to sell this with my ball gag in But now everybody's gone, they must have had their fill I guess it's time to pack it up and send it off to Goodwill 'Cause I can't sell my sex toys at this yard sale It's almost like you've been set up to fail No, I can't sell my sex toys at this yard sale Your neighbors want to see you get thrown in jail I can't sell my sex toys at this yard sale Why would they even make a five-headed dildo? No, I can't sell my sex toys at this yard sale

People tell me all the time that they can't stand dating Putting themselves on the line just gets too frustrating It isn't difficult to tell what they've all been hating They say folks beside themselves are too complicated But hopefully I can clear some things up For the greater good of coupling up Yes, I can help men and women relate When you're out on a date I'll translate Here goes When a man says you look nice It means he'd like to fuck you And when a man asks about your job Tt means he'd like to fuck you more When a man says he's hungry Chances are he wants you to sit on his face And when a man asks about your family He's thinkin' that you should come back to his place See, I've trained for this moment for most of my life No, I don't have a girlfriend and definitely not a wife But I've always been an innovator And that's the way that I became the dater translator This one's for the boys now When a woman says she's fine It means she's pissed off at you And when a woman says that you smell good She's impressed that you don't smell like farts When a woman says that all she wants Is a guy who can make her laugh a lot What she's trying to say is you should make her laugh But you also better be really hot Since nothing's more dreadful than being alone I've been assisting with hookups In lieu of having one of my own But I don't mind being a spectator It's more or less why I became the dater translator Pleasing a woman is not all that hard As long as you've got an AmEx card A man's heart may be through his stomach But his penis makes an awesome shortcut You could call it gender bias The proof is in the pudding and the pudding's how right it is For women the best things always come in twos Like a pair of Gucci shoes Men want things to happen in threes Like a threesome with your really cute friend Denise You don't need Columbo to unravel this mystery All you need is me One more time now When a man says the word "the" he's picturing you naked When a woman says she's into you It's only 'cause you haven't screwed up yet And when a woman says she likes your friends She would like them much more if they were gone And when a man asks you about politics It means you've already fucked and he's moved on Well, I hope that these tips have been helpful to you I make Cupid look more like Mike Myers in The Love Guru I am basically an instigator Just digging through the dirt like an excavator A professional Friday night masturbator With a super special claim to fame The dater translator

It's been so amazing being with you tonight Dinner and drinks by this candlelight And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart But I must tell you this one thing before we part I will be your cashier when you're ready It's not that I'm trying to be emotional But I won't stop servicing until you're full Can I tempt you into trying out my dessert? If you don't leave a big tip, my feelings will hurt But I will be your cashier when you're ready I hope you'll come back one day I crave your company so And oh, by the way Would you care for a soft drink to go? After I gently pull the bibs from your necks I won't let you down with your separate checks And if you also feel that you've enjoyed our time Please be sure to fill out our survey online And I will be your cashier Yes, I will be your cashier Oh, I will be your cashier when you're ready When you're ready

Uh, uh, uh, uh I met a baby girl hanging out at the mall It was an outlet mall, she was at the big and tall Lookin' 'round for a man who gonna give her support She gonna make a brother take her to Sbarro in the food court Honey want a fella who is down to spend cheese Gonna buy her an entire combo meal at the Wendy's She clutching on her Michael Kors bag tight That she got in Chinatown so the "Kors" ain't spelled right She got a nine-to-five position in sales But her true calling is attracting beta males Every time she catch a glimpse of a twenty dollar bill She goes in for the kill with a skirt from Goodwill And everywhere she go, she getting separate checks Got a hundred dollar limit from American Express So she gotta find a man who can step up to the plate Hitting up the O.G. -- Olive Garden -- for a date Bronze digger in the house tonight Looking fly, looking dynamite Bronze digger want to land a man With a net worth of at least two grand Y'all probably heard of a gold digger before But from my experience they want a little bit more A bronze digger want a guy who got something to show her But her overall standards are a little bit lower She want a man with a sofa on layaway Someone who's forty percent vested in his 401K He gotta roll in a vehicle that isn't a bus He gotta spring every now and then for unleaded plus He gotta take her to Versace even though they just browsin' Gotta get that HOA-structured housing She don't drink no Cristal But she gon' want a box of Franzia for once in a while, uh He gotta bring her and her friends to the movies Luckily the tickets half-price on Tuesday When she at the club, he gotta pay her cover Less they go to the one where the bouncer's her brother Bronze digger in the house tonight With a sexual appetite Bronze digger gonna hit the scene Right after hitting up a CoinStar machine Now I want all y'all to repeat after me If you down with this girl Holla, "stable financial portfolio" Stable financial portfolio, yeah Now if you tryin' to hook up with lady like this You know you better get that cheddar or a little bit of Swiss Hit that mid-level management, make a little money Just enough to lavish her with gifts bimonthly You gotta make an everlasting connection When you take her out to Wal-Mart in the jewelry section She don't want a sugar daddy, but maybe a Splenda You ain't gotta drive a Caddy, just a Toyota Venza But if you really love her and you want her to live happily Then save up for a minute and then bring her to an Applebee's You know sometimes it's gonna be hard You gotta buy her an expensive anniversary card And you best make sure that you got a degree Even if it's from DeVry University 'Cause they say the best things in life are free But in her case, they're about tree fiddy, uh Bronze digger in the house tonight Baby girl looks hella tight Bronze digger gonna come for you Especially if you're a Jew, uh Yo, make sure that coupon rang up

That awkward moment when you walk into some cobwebs And it looks like you're giving a Nazi salute That awkward moment when you trip over a homeless guy And now you've got a stain on your new Ugg boot That awkward moment when you hold a physics lecture But you're deaf and so no one can understand you That awkward moment during breakfast with your parents And they let it slip that they had never planned you That awkward moment when you text someone But they never respond so you keep texting them Forgetting that they're stuffed into your car trunk That awkward moment That awkward moment when your waiter says, "Enjoy your food" And you respond by saying "Suck my cock" That awkward moment when you hold the door for someone And they grab you and fellate you on the sidewalk That awkward moment when you Tell your friend the drugs are kicking in Except your friend's imaginary That awkward moment when you feed your lover cherries And she dies because she's allergic to cherries That awkward moment in the middle of an argument You realize that you're wrong So now you have to kill that person with a hammer Baby, I want you to understand that it's all right We all have those awkward moments from time to time Sometimes you'll be sitting there Smoking a pipe in an easy chair And you'll suddenly recall that you're in the middle of Burglarizing that house where you're at What could be more awkward than that? That awkward moment when you ask if someone's pregnant And it turns out that she just had an abortion That awkward moment when you give your friend five dollars And then accidentally sue him for extortion That awkward moment when you wake up with a boner And you're sitting in the middle of a school bus That awkward moment when you're pushing forty-seven So what the fuck are you doing on a school bus? That awkward moment when you realize that Starting a sentence with "That awkward moment" Technically turns it into a sentence fragment

When you're on the internet, there's so much you can find They've got just about everything That could possibly cross your mind Now you may think me hyperbolic, but I mean each word of this Anything you can visualize undoubtedly exists In fact, the major crucial purpose of The internet we know and love Has been the same since you were born And that's appealing to our basic roots Of watching people knocking boots And building up an archive of every kind of porn Rule 34 If you want to watch some nuns taking off their habits Or the cast of Charles In Charge going at it like rabbits If you're hankering for an orgy of 80-year-old sluts Or a clip of someone licking Sriracha off his own nuts If you get hot under the collar when you think about An Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima sixty-nine You know, they've even got a site that hosts The Muppets having sex with ghosts And all you need to get there is a working Ethernet line Rule 34 states whenever someone masturbates They should be able to dig into The deepest recesses of their psyche And whatever comes tumbling out Then there's a porn without a doubt Whether it's Garfield in a strap-on Or the Spice Girls getting dyke-y If it's a picture of Mr. Clean taped to a perpetual fucking machine That gets your motor running When you're playing with your crotch If you like Fudgy The Whale packing fudge Your computer isn't there to judge You'll be critique-free in your fantasy Unless the NSA decides to watch If you want to see Pharrell making love to his own hat There's a thousand message boards dedicated just to that If the idea of a Disney Princess gangbang turns you on They've got every single girl, and both genders for Mulan If you want Rambo getting fisted by The "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy wearing a Hello Kitty mask Or a cartoon of Santa getting flogged By Courage The Cowardly Dog Then pull up your browser and pull down your trousers and ask

Salir afuera es por retrasos Gonna get crunk, gonna get fucked up tonight Me and my homies going lookin' for a fight All the bitches tryin' to get in my ride Wait, never mind, I'm staying inside P-A-R-T-Y the fuck Would I wanna go out and run amok? I ain't no kinda gangbanger, not one of the tough kids It's like they say, home is where my stuff is Friday night, hangin' out alone Quadruple-boltin' the door and turnin' off my phone If misery loves company Then there ain't no fool less miserable than me Nation of tha hermit Walk into the club like "What up?" Just kidding, that would involve me actually going to a club I ain't about to spend my money on a gin and tonic I don't like taking pills and I'm allergic to chronic And if you want to know what I look for in a lady I'd take a woman who ain't been on a date since 1980 I would order us a pizza But I don't want to have to interact with the delivery guy I don't care about meeting no societal quota The only cap I'm gonna pop is the one on my soda Bro, I got to maintain That if I didn't have to go to work I'd never leave my house again Let me tell you now, my future plans Include cancelling my future plans And playing a lot of Borderlands 'Cause I got so much time on my hands I'm like a groundhog, only go out once a year And if I see my shadow I'm'a run right back here I'm a one man wolf pack here Eatin' girl scout cookies and binge watching Top Gear Ain't huntin' for pussy now Except maybe the kind that goes "meow" Cats chillin' all around my den Lock myself into the bathroom When I don't wanna hang out with them Social circle? Naw, more like a social dot Unless you count my set of battlebots Otherwise I got a crew of me, myself and I Gonna represent the nation of tha hermit 'til the day I die

Ever since I first laid eyes on you I could tell that you were special I was trying to think of what I could say or do To make you fall in love with me I would lasso down the moon and bequeath the stars If I thought that you would notice But you'd have to be okay with sharing them With the rest of my family You see, my girl and I are polygamists So I already know she'd be okay with this I could give you all the love that you deserve As long as I'm not giving it to her So kiss me even though I've got her lip gloss on my teeth 'Cause I swear on everything I can think of I can be your man and give you fifty percent of my love You could be my girl on Tuesdays, Thursdays And every other weekend The remainder of the time you could move your stuff Into the back of my guest house It may seem a little weird sharing all that space But the chores get done way faster And I think you and my girl are around the same height So you could wear each other's blouse I'll need a list of your favorite things A reminder that I'll keep track of in a three-ring binder Then I'll buy you flowers and fancy cakes But I won't have the wrong ones by mistake So kiss me, I've got a spot for you reserved on my left cheek We can soar like doves with an additional dove I'll commit to you and give you fifty percent of my love And when it's time for us to lay down and embrace I can totally try to do that thing you like While she sits on my face Because there's nothing more important Than making sure you're satisfied And afterwards you can snuggle Specifically on my left side Full disclosure, while I was singing to you I may have sight my sights on another girl too So now the ratio has been slightly diluted That's assuming you still want to be included So kiss me since I probably won't see you for half a week But if you look in your heart you'll understand it's enough To get thirty-three point three percent of my love

I wanted to write a joke about my buddy Jack But apparently I can't do that Because it just so happens that he's black I tried to write about the Jews for one of my songs You would think that being one of those Would give me a free pass, but you'd be wrong I can't write this song Because inevitably someone'll get offended And blend it with made up evidence That cannot be defended and then I end up unfriended And you can't sing along Because bad apples who spatter the awful patter Will get madder and tatter your character Because their prattle is the only kind that matters Uh huh It's dumb that certain people don't believe in vaccines But if I point out that they're 95 percent effective Then I'm just being mean So I thought I'd be safe just writing 'bout my penis It turns out I can't bring that up Without being a CIS gender elitist Each time I've written something decent on my lyric sheets Someone cries about it like a little wussy I'm a monster if I joke about how women sometimes cheat But we'll elect a dude who tells the world To grab them by the pussy When I say "protect the rainforest" it doesn't mean I'm trying To convey that all the other forests deserve to be dying But if you believe that that's how people actually talk Then everyone who isn't you should not choke on a cock I'm tired of acting like I have to give a shit If you're looking for a safe space Then perhaps a comedy song isn't it And so now the divide just keeps on getting bigger Thanks to social justice assholes Who keep turning 'round and blaming it on triggers What'd you think I was going to rhyme "bigger" with? And I can't write this song Nobody is better than anyone else, we're all exactly identical And you can't sing along Everything is offensive to someone So it's not okay to say anything And I can't write this song so I'll stop trying

When I was a youngster, so tiny and small I was hung like a Tic-Tac, couldn't see it at all Now that I'm a grown man, it's the same damn size Feels like there ain't nothin' in between my thighs I got two inches of fury in my pants Let me tell you Some guys get lucky, well-endowed and hung But you can't even tell now when I get sprung I would try the enhancers but I feel too ashamed All the ads on the porn sites address me by name I got two inches of fury in my pants Now, if I go on a date, the action stops before it starts 'Cause you gotta have a magnifying glass To see my private parts I can't get it up, can't get on up I can't get it up, can't get on up I can't get it up, can't get on up I can't get it up now, woo The head looks like a birthmark and there ain't no shaft Once I took my shorts off and a Ken doll laughed Only need two fingers when I masturbate Every time I get a boner, somehow I lose weight I got two inches of fury in my pants They say that size doesn't matter But I think they might be liars Why can't we just focus on the depth of the vagina? When I wanna get down now with a really hot chick Don't you know, I gotta warn her about the size of my dick Gotta give her the very best of my pick up lines Girl, you want ten inches? Well, then I'll fuck you five times Now, I barely even get me a passing glance Don't you know, it's so hard to be the king of romance 'Cause there ain't no woman gonna take a chance On a guy who's pecker looks like it was made for ants I got two inches of fury in my pants Help me out, now Good gawd

I love you like a singer loves a-singin' Or a magician loves a trick I love you like a dog loves everybody Or a cat loves being a dick I want you like a diabetic wants cake Or Frankenstein wants a bride I want you like a gay guy wants to win A year supply of Astroglide Darling, understand now that you're everything I need Like a person who smokes weed Needs to tell you how much they smoke weed I need you like a sinner needs a saint And I need you like Jared Fogle needed restraint I need to have you near me Like a hipster needs intolerance to gluten I love you like the internet Apparently loves to Photoshop Vladimir Putin I want you like a pair of Mormon elders Want to float up to the sky I want you like the world wants Martin Shkreli To hurry up and die I need you in the same way That a frat guy needs high fiving Or like most people need to learn To signal while they're driving I love you like a red state loves Fox News Or like Scientology adores Tom Cruise And whenever you go away and leave me on my own You know, I miss you like a French guy Missed the chance to buy cologne I miss you like the priesthood misses children to anoint And I miss you just like radical feminism misses the point I need you like an actor in Los Angeles Needs tips while they're bartending I need you just like How I Met Your Mother Needed a different ending I'm sure about our love like Catholics are so sure They've been guilted the worst Even though they stole it from the Jews 'Cause that was our thing first I love you just like Charlie Sheen Loves doing coke with floozies Or just like M. Night Shyamalan Loves making shitty movies I need you like a kicker needs to punt Or like Ann Coulter needs to not be such a not nice person Yes, I want you like a preteen Wants to pass her driver's test And I want you just like Kanye West Wants to make love to Kanye West And I need you like a bowler needs a strike And I guess that that's what loving you is like

We're going on a journey to a world of torture and pain Where every single moment is bound to drive you insane It's like playing a game where the rules won't let you win And the moment you think you're out you get dragged back in The very mention of its name inspires panic and fear Abandon all hope, ye who enter here Welcome to the friend zone Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker You're gonna meet the most amazing person And you'll get excited But for as long as you live that love will be unrequited You'll be together every waking moment And if not, they'll miss you But there's roughly a zero percent chance That they're gonna kiss you You'll be a shoulder to cry on when they run out of luck With the person that they actually intend to fuck Welcome to the friend zone Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker And you ain't gonna get blown Because you're in the friend zone, motherfucker Even though they don't owe you anything And you shouldn't expect them to You're still holding out hope that one day They'll randomly decide that they love you Come on, now /Let's be friends You'll be the standard against which They'll measure everyone they date Meanwhile, you'll be using their picture to masturbate You'll keep on buying them stuff ‘Til you've got no more to spend And then they'll be like “Aww, you're such a fantastic friend” And soon you'll give up on all other romantic prospects And all your other friendships will become toxic Eventually the suffering will take its toll And you're gonna start acting weird You'll gain a hundred pounds and get a bunch of fedoras And start growing out a patchy beard You'll start bragging about being an atheist And telling everyone that God is a phony You'll buy a giant sword that you'll never use And become obsessed with My Little Pony There's not a chance in hell that you'll be escaping Now your spirit is broken and your dick is chafing Welcome to the friend zone Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker You'll be forever alone 'Cause you're stuck in the friend zone, motherfucker Welcome to the friend zone Welcome to the friend zone, motherfuck Hey, get your ass back in the friend zone Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker

It's been so very long since I've seen your face Felt the tenderness and magic of your warm embrace And now that we're together in the same place You look so beautiful in the moonlight I want to tell you just the way I feel You know, sometimes I start to wonder if you're even real You leave my head spinning 'round just like a wheel Because you look so beautiful in the moonlight But I suppose it'll never work out because you're an asshole Your personal hygiene is substandard at best You end all your social media posts with "hashtag blessed" You don't pay your own bills and you're behind on your rent But you'll invest your cash in Amway shit one hundred percent Now I've got your hand in mine as we're strolling as one You can't drive 'cause of your DUIs and hit-and-runs And you're ranting about libtards going after your guns But at least you look so beautiful in the moonlight You hit "Reply All" on work emails just to say "LOL" Insist on siding with the moron who broke up with Adele You say astrology matters but not LGBT rights And you think that health insurance Should be reserved for whites I don't understand how anyone can be so fucking pretty With a personality that gives new meaning to shitty You're the most gorgeous lady but your actions are shady I mean you even once donated to abolish relief funding for Haiti Yet somehow here we are, just me and you With your unfounded love of incest and your tribal tattoo And I kind of hate myself for hoping we can still screw Because you look so beautiful in the moonlight, aw, yeah You think that Quik Trip service stations Are just overhyped kitsch How the hell can you hate Quik Trip, you miserable bitch? You've shot commercials for Axe body spray and also Proactiv Honestly, you would get murdered if you weren't so attractive You say that Hitler had some good ideas and Jews are the devil You tell me that Chris Brown speaks to you on a spiritual level Then you grab me by the throat And say the world would be nicer If everyone was just a little more like Sean Spicer As the hours slip behind us and the sun begins to rise I take one last longing look at your magnificent eyes And I pray that soon you'll meet your untimely demise Even though you looked so beautiful in the moonlight So beautiful (and that's it) in the moonlight You're so beautiful (and nothing else) in the moonlight