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Bronze Digger

from Orgy Of One by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

Uh, uh, uh, uh
I met a baby girl hanging out at the mall
It was an outlet mall, she was at the big and tall
Lookin' 'round for a man who gonna give her support
She gonna make a brother take her to Sbarro in the food court
Honey want a fella who is down to spend cheese
Gonna buy her an entire combo meal at the Wendy's
She clutching on her Michael Kors bag tight
That she got in Chinatown so the "Kors" ain't spelled right
She got a nine-to-five position in sales
But her true calling is attracting beta males
Every time she catch a glimpse of a twenty dollar bill
She goes in for the kill with a skirt from Goodwill
And everywhere she go, she getting separate checks
Got a hundred dollar limit from American Express
So she gotta find a man who can step up to the plate
Hitting up the O.G. -- Olive Garden -- for a date

Bronze digger in the house tonight
Looking fly, looking dynamite
Bronze digger want to land a man
With a net worth of at least two grand

Y'all probably heard of a gold digger before
But from my experience they want a little bit more
A bronze digger want a guy who got something to show her
But her overall standards are a little bit lower
She want a man with a sofa on layaway
Someone who's forty percent vested in his 401K
He gotta roll in a vehicle that isn't a bus
He gotta spring every now and then for unleaded plus
He gotta take her to Versace even though they just browsin'
Gotta get that HOA-structured housing
She don't drink no Cristal
But she gon' want a box of Franzia for once in a while, uh
He gotta bring her and her friends to the movies
Luckily the tickets half-price on Tuesday
When she at the club, he gotta pay her cover
Less they go to the one where the bouncer's her brother

Bronze digger in the house tonight
With a sexual appetite
Bronze digger gonna hit the scene
Right after hitting up a CoinStar machine

Now I want all y'all to repeat after me
If you down with this girl
Holla, "stable financial portfolio"
Stable financial portfolio, yeah

Now if you tryin' to hook up with lady like this
You know you better get that cheddar or a little bit of Swiss
Hit that mid-level management, make a little money
Just enough to lavish her with gifts bimonthly
You gotta make an everlasting connection
When you take her out to Wal-Mart in the jewelry section
She don't want a sugar daddy, but maybe a Splenda
You ain't gotta drive a Caddy, just a Toyota Venza
But if you really love her and you want her to live happily
Then save up for a minute and then bring her to an Applebee's
You know sometimes it's gonna be hard
You gotta buy her an expensive anniversary card
And you best make sure that you got a degree
Even if it's from DeVry University
'Cause they say the best things in life are free
But in her case, they're about tree fiddy, uh

Bronze digger in the house tonight
Baby girl looks hella tight
Bronze digger gonna come for you
Especially if you're a Jew, uh

Yo, make sure that coupon rang up

credits

from Orgy Of One, released November 3, 2017

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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