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Friend Zone

from Orgy Of One by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

We're going on a journey to a world of torture and pain
Where every single moment is bound to drive you insane
It's like playing a game where the rules won't let you win
And the moment you think you're out you get dragged back in
The very mention of its name inspires panic and fear
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

Welcome to the friend zone
Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker

You're gonna meet the most amazing person
And you'll get excited
But for as long as you live that love will be unrequited
You'll be together every waking moment
And if not, they'll miss you
But there's roughly a zero percent chance
That they're gonna kiss you
You'll be a shoulder to cry on when they run out of luck
With the person that they actually intend to fuck

Welcome to the friend zone
Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker
And you ain't gonna get blown
Because you're in the friend zone, motherfucker

Even though they don't owe you anything
And you shouldn't expect them to
You're still holding out hope that one day
They'll randomly decide that they love you
Come on, now /Let's be friends

You'll be the standard against which
They'll measure everyone they date
Meanwhile, you'll be using their picture to masturbate
You'll keep on buying them stuff
‘Til you've got no more to spend
And then they'll be like
“Aww, you're such a fantastic friend”
And soon you'll give up on all other romantic prospects
And all your other friendships will become toxic

Eventually the suffering will take its toll
And you're gonna start acting weird
You'll gain a hundred pounds and get a bunch of fedoras
And start growing out a patchy beard
You'll start bragging about being an atheist
And telling everyone that God is a phony
You'll buy a giant sword that you'll never use
And become obsessed with My Little Pony
There's not a chance in hell that you'll be escaping
Now your spirit is broken and your dick is chafing

Welcome to the friend zone
Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker
You'll be forever alone
'Cause you're stuck in the friend zone, motherfucker
Welcome to the friend zone
Welcome to the friend zone, motherfuck
Hey, get your ass back in the friend zone
Welcome to the friend zone, motherfucker

credits

from Orgy Of One, released November 3, 2017

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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