I Can't Write This Song

from Orgy Of One by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

I wanted to write a joke about my buddy Jack
But apparently I can't do that
Because it just so happens that he's black
I tried to write about the Jews for one of my songs
You would think that being one of those
Would give me a free pass, but you'd be wrong

I can't write this song
Because inevitably someone'll get offended
And blend it with made up evidence
That cannot be defended and then I end up unfriended
And you can't sing along
Because bad apples who spatter the awful patter
Will get madder and tatter your character
Because their prattle is the only kind that matters
Uh huh

It's dumb that certain people don't believe in vaccines
But if I point out that they're 95 percent effective
Then I'm just being mean
So I thought I'd be safe just writing 'bout my penis
It turns out I can't bring that up
Without being a CIS gender elitist

Each time I've written something decent on my lyric sheets
Someone cries about it like a little wussy
I'm a monster if I joke about how women sometimes cheat
But we'll elect a dude who tells the world
To grab them by the pussy
When I say "protect the rainforest" it doesn't mean I'm trying
To convey that all the other forests deserve to be dying
But if you believe that that's how people actually talk
Then everyone who isn't you should not choke on a cock

I'm tired of acting like I have to give a shit
If you're looking for a safe space
Then perhaps a comedy song isn't it
And so now the divide just keeps on getting bigger
Thanks to social justice assholes
Who keep turning 'round and blaming it on triggers
What'd you think I was going to rhyme "bigger" with?

And I can't write this song
Nobody is better than anyone else, we're all exactly identical
And you can't sing along
Everything is offensive to someone
So it's not okay to say anything
And I can't write this song so I'll stop trying

credits

from Orgy Of One, released November 3, 2017

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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