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Mind The Stepchildren

from Chosen People Adjacent by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

As you wander down the winding roads and passages of life
You’ll learn so many lessons
And you’ve got to value every single one
But sometimes they can tend to be a little overwhelming
And by the time you’ve learned them
You’ll find that the mistake’s already done
Don’t run while holding scissors
Don’t prank call the police
Don’t ever spend your hard-earned cash on Chainsmokers CDs
Don’t get into a stranger’s car and don’t go sniffing glue
But boys and girls all around the world
There’s one thing you must do

You gotta cup the balls, it’s really, really, really important
Cup the balls, I’m talking ‘bout your mutual enjoyment
Cup those balls, sometimes it’ll even get you employment
It’s the perfect way to let your boyfriend know
That you love him so

Now, there are folks who’ll argue that fellatio’s enough
They’ll say that with a handjob
There’s no need to venture any further south
But I propose that jerks and blows are much more satisfying
The moment that you start to mind the stepchildren
And put them in your mouth
Just grab them like maracas while you’re playing with his flute
They’re already in front of you and so there’s no commute
And when you hold those precious jewels
You’re basically his master
And if you’re in a time crunch, it’ll make him cum way faster

You need to cup the balls
I swear that I’m not kidding about this
Cup the balls, then he’ll understand
How awesome your mouth is
Cup those balls, it won’t be long before he starts howlin’
If you don’t understand why they’re worth the handful
Well, here’s an example

When you move into a new city
And you’ve found yourself a home
You gotta go and introduce yourself
To the neighbors on your block
Well, this is like a housewarming party
With slightly fewer guests
And instead of green bean casserole
You’ve got testicles and cock

You’ll never be complete until the moment that you’ve tried it
If you get bored of one ball there’s another one beside it
There’s nothing better in the world to quench his lustful fires
Some guys say they don’t care for it, but they’re all fucking liars

So please cup the balls
I hope that you’ve been paying attention
If you cup the balls, one day he’ll probably buy you a mansion
Cup those balls, even lesbians have strap-on extensions
If you ever want him at your beck and call
You gotta cup the balls
If you really want to understand it all
You better get on the ball

credits

from Chosen People Adjacent, released August 2, 2019

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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