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Mother's Day

from Medium Pimpin' by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

Mother's Day is coming soon and I know that you're appalled
I bought you lots of presents and you said, "I wish you'd called"
I figured over all the years your character would soften
But the only thing you care about is why I don't visit more often
You don't trust any of my friends or girlfriends, simply put
But you're fine with telling strangers
About the bunion on your foot

You're my Jewish mom
You're the ultimate annoyer
You're my Jewish mom
No, I don't want to be a lawyer

And we go on so many guilt trips whenever I drive
I hear you make that *gasp* sound
Like you think we won't survive
And I don't want to say you're cheap; I know you'll only scoff
But when I was a boy you said the tooth fairy got laid off
And if I don't pick up my phone, you'll call again and again
And even if I'm just taking out the trash
You wonder where I've been

You're my Jewish mom
And you're not like any other
You're my Jewish mom
I don't know when you'll be a grandmother

If there's ever a nuclear holocaust
The only things left will be cockroaches and you
I'm sorry I used the word "holocaust" just now
No, I don't know what I was thinking
Please don't give me another lecture
About my great uncle David

Whenever I do anything, you say I'm doing it wrong
You've even tried to give me tips on how to write this song
You're always trying to feed me
Pushing plate after plate after plate
And when I'm done you'll tell me that
It looks like I've gained weight
But I know I owe the way I am to you, my family
And one day I'll mess up my kids the way you've damaged me

You're my Jewish mom
Now my voice is kind of straining
You're my Jewish mom
It's not easy to sing over all your complaining
My Jewish mom, and you'll always be that way
You're my Jewish mom
Have a happy, not too meshuggenah Mother's Day

credits

from Medium Pimpin', released September 22, 2015

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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