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Plot Holes

from Medium Pimpin' by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

The robots in Transformers are fighting in the street
And the asphalt cracks
And sidewalks bend and break beneath their feet
But when they're battling on the rooftops of the city skyline
The structural integrity of the buildings is totally fine
What the fuck is that about?

The prince in Cinderella wants to try to set things right
To match a slipper with the girl he hooked up with last night
It may have fit her perfectly to show that she's the one
But it flew off in the first place when she broke into a run
What the fuck is that about?

It's about plot holes, things that don't make sense
'Cause the folks who write the stuff we watch
Must think we're fucking dense
It's all about plot holes, they're totally contrived
You know, "suspension of disbelief"
Shouldn't be a fucking way of life

Old Charles Foster Kane was laying dying in his bed
The ominous word "Rosebud"
Was the last thing that he said
But how could the reporters
Try to figure out what they'd heard
When no one else was in there
When he said the Goddamn word?
What the fuck is that about?

It's about plot holes in those movie scenes
The smallest thing can blow
An entire premise into smithereens
Ridiculous plot holes keeping me up at night
If face-kicking is forbidden
How did the karate kid win that fight?

If E.T. can fly, and his ship is ten feet away
Why wouldn't he get up off his ass and then fly to it?
How did Andy Dufresne get the poster over the hole
He dug in the wall when he already crawled inside of it?
And why doesn't Bruce Willis seem to care
That the only person talking to him is a weird looking kid?
And how does Kristen Stewart keep finding work?
That one's not a plot hole, I'm just genuinely curious

When Juliet finds Romeo, her cockblock father says
That she could be with him if she forsook the Capulets
But God forbid she runs away and makes her family mad
'Cause suicide's a fucking great alternative to that
What the Christ-sucking-shit is that about?

It's about plot holes conjured up by chumps
Like why has no one at the bus stop
Ever heard of Forrest Gump?
These ludicrous plot holes have made me so forlorn
That's why I usually just stick to watching Asian porn
To get away from those plot holes
Ludicrous plot holes
I'm sick and tired of plot holes

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from Medium Pimpin', released September 22, 2015

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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