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Rule 34

from Orgy Of One by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

When you're on the internet, there's so much you can find
They've got just about everything
That could possibly cross your mind
Now you may think me hyperbolic, but I mean each word of this
Anything you can visualize undoubtedly exists
In fact, the major crucial purpose of
The internet we know and love
Has been the same since you were born
And that's appealing to our basic roots
Of watching people knocking boots
And building up an archive of every kind of porn

Rule 34

If you want to watch some nuns taking off their habits
Or the cast of Charles In Charge going at it like rabbits
If you're hankering for an orgy of 80-year-old sluts
Or a clip of someone licking Sriracha off his own nuts
If you get hot under the collar when you think about
An Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima sixty-nine
You know, they've even got a site that hosts
The Muppets having sex with ghosts
And all you need to get there is a working Ethernet line

Rule 34 states whenever someone masturbates
They should be able to dig into
The deepest recesses of their psyche
And whatever comes tumbling out
Then there's a porn without a doubt
Whether it's Garfield in a strap-on
Or the Spice Girls getting dyke-y
If it's a picture of Mr. Clean taped to a perpetual fucking machine
That gets your motor running
When you're playing with your crotch
If you like Fudgy The Whale packing fudge
Your computer isn't there to judge
You'll be critique-free in your fantasy
Unless the NSA decides to watch

If you want to see Pharrell making love to his own hat
There's a thousand message boards dedicated just to that
If the idea of a Disney Princess gangbang turns you on
They've got every single girl, and both genders for Mulan
If you want Rambo getting fisted by
The "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy wearing a Hello Kitty mask
Or a cartoon of Santa getting flogged
By Courage The Cowardly Dog
Then pull up your browser and pull down your trousers and ask

credits

from Orgy Of One, released November 3, 2017

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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