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Taylor Swift

from Medium Pimpin' by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

I've spent the better part of my adult life writing stupid songs
Sometimes they're funny
But they're mostly just questionable and wrong
I write about a lot of people who I know for comedy
But one thing I lament is no one's ever written about me

However, there's one option I can think of
Where I'd maybe have the chance
To be the subject of a song about regret or dalliance
There's only one sure way to get the tides around me to shift
I have to date Taylor Swift
I've got to date Taylor Swift

I'll treat her really well
And she won't even realize there's a catch
I'll start ignoring her the moment she begins to get attached
She'll be all furious and get that doe-eyed look upon her face
Before you know it she'll be
Writing down my name in her blank space

I'll feel so lucky when she cuts me down and effortlessly rhymes
Or when she uses the word "never" like a hundred million times
I'd be ecstatic when she capitalizes on our rift
That's why I have to date Taylor Swift
I've got to date Taylor Swift

I don't have anything against the girl, in fact, I'd be proud
To be lambasted along with the other dudes that she's plowed
I can't convey the joy a catchy tune about me would bring
I'd try it with Jennifer Aniston, but she doesn't sing
I'm not a player, not a hater, just a guy with a hope
That she'll be slanderous against me as a method to cope
And when I finally hear that song, I'll be the belle of the ball
Along with Taylor Lautner, Harry Styles and Joe Jonas
And John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal, Jake Gyllenhaal

I guess she might be nice to date
'Cause she's legitimately cute
But since I'll only piss her off
It seems the point is kind of moot
Some folks will prob'ly hate my guts
And when they see me, they'll just scoff
I might feel bad at first but then I'll do my best to shake it off
To this sick boat?

She'll say that she knew I was trouble
From the moment I walked in
She'll get a Grammy, I'll get famous, and so everybody wins
I could go on and on but by now I'm sure you get the drift
Aw, yes, I have to date Taylor Swift
I've got to date Taylor Swift
Please date me, Taylor Swift
I have got to date Taylor Swift
It's a hate story, baby, just say yes

credits

from Medium Pimpin', released September 22, 2015

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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