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The Countdown

from Revolter by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

Ten times I felt like I had to throw up
And nine of those times I actually did
Eight times I broke down sobbing for some reason
But I have no idea what that reason is
Seven is the number of bottles I broke
Six times I yelled out the same dumb joke
Five people had to hold me back
When I tried four times to hook up with a coat rack
Right around three AM I passed out in place
And somebody drew two dicks on my face
And I'd only had one beer

It's the countdown of the last time I got drunk
Yes, it's the countdown of the last time I got drunk

Ten minutes after she walked out
I left nine messages on her answering machine
Then I went through eight boxes of Kleenex
But I wasn't crying, if you know what I mean
Seven times I showed up at her door
And on my sixth try I called her a whore
Five seconds later I said she'd regret it
And her four year old nephew called me pathetic
Then I went to have a three way with a couple of hoes
But it turns out two of us were no-shows
So I bought one adult movie instead

It's the countdown of the last time I got dumped
Yes, it's the countdown of the last time I got dumped

Four verses seems like it might be too many
Three verses works, though, I think that that's plenty
Two of those verses are already done
So now all that's left is to get through verse three

Ten people in the audience
And nine of them seem to be fidgeting about
I've got eight minutes of material
But everyone looks like they just want to get out
There's seven different jokes about male genitalia
And six times I wish I'd brought my weed paraphernalia
I'd like a high five, but that ain't happenin'
I'm four minutes in and there's nobody clappin'
The other three comics are totally killing
But I'm two decades in and I can't get top billing
I'm going to watch that one porn I bought earlier

It's the countdown of the last song that I'd sung
Yes, it's the countdown of the last song that I'd sung
It's the countdown

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, fuck

credits

from Revolter, released January 7, 2022

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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