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Vanilla

from Admiral Vanilla by Scott Gesser

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lyrics

I started seeing you and soon we fell in love
Your charm and beauty must been sent from above
There's only one small problem that I can think of
When it comes to fucking, you're vanilla
It takes a little more than sex to get me hot
It's not enough to simply thrust into your twat
And I don't mean a hand job in a Walgreen's parking lot
That's still my idea of vanilla

There's nothing more that I want than to be restrained
Please flog my ass with whips and hold me down with chains
The feel of leather everywhere drives me insane
You say you understand, and now that I've complained
I'll be sorry

Then one day you came home with a paddle for my butt
In hopes that using it would eliminate our rut
You spanked me furiously and told me I'm a slut
But you're still barely past vanilla
So then you showed up with one of those huge dildos
And said that if I'm good you'll show me where it goes
It's too bad I already own a bunch of those
Nice try there, Admiral Vanilla

You've made it clear your goal in bed is just to wreck me
To Indian burns and purple-nurples you'll subject me
You'll gag me with a spoon and sometimes you'll hip-check me
Then take a branding iron and apply it directly to my nuts
But I still think you're vanilla

You say it's over and you don't love me anymore
You're a human being, not some trashy little whore
And as you pack your bags and head for my front door
Suddenly I stop you and I quietly implore
Is your sister still seeing that neurosurgeon?

The next thing that I know, I wake up in a bed
With seven broken ribs and a contusion in my head
The doctor tells me that I'm lucky I'm not dead
And suddenly it hits me that I really should have said
The sister thing earlier
Because that was not vanilla
No, that was not vanilla
And I'm one lucky fella
Because that was not vanilla

credits

from Admiral Vanilla, released November 5, 2013

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Scott Gesser Phoenix, Arizona

I'm the guy who records all of this.

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